According to a study by New York University’s Center for Child and Family Well-Being, the average age that American children leave home is now in their early 20s. Many young adults are leaving home earlier than ever before. This can be a challenging time for parents and children. The dynamics of living separately are different than when you live together as roommates. Whether you live with your mom or not, she will always be your mom, which means that she worries about you constantly. She wants what’s best for you — even if it doesn’t seem like it at the time! But why does your mom always blame you? Perhaps she sees something in you that reminds her of herself at your age.
Why Does My Mom Always Blame Me?
It’s possible that your mom blames you because she’s feeling guilty.
It’s possible that your mom is feeling guilty about something she did or didn’t do, and she’s transferring those feelings of guilt to you. This is a common coping mechanism that some people use in order to avoid taking responsibility for their own actions.
What Is The Reason My Mom Always Blame Me?
You May Have Rejected Her Or Betrayed Her Trust.
A parent who is living out issues from their own past may have needed you to love them and accept them exactly as they are. If you showed them that you love them in a different way or didn’t accept them the way they are, they may have felt betrayed. Perhaps they wanted you to become a doctor and you wanted to study art. You may have rejected the path they wanted you to take or you may have rejected their values as your own. If your mother was waiting for you to be the person she always wanted you to be and you weren’t that person, she may have felt that you rejected her. Even if her reaction seems over the top or disproportionate, it may be the only way she knows how to deal with those feelings.
You May Have Inadvertently Hurt Her Feelings.
Overly-sensitive parents often have an emotional trigger that sets off an intense reaction in them. These parents may be very quick to take anything you do as a slight against them because they take even the smallest things personally. They may have a low tolerance for your behavior and look for reasons that you are being disrespectful towards them. While this is not a healthy way to parent, it’s the only way they know how to function. If you accidentally do something that hurts their feelings, you may find that they react with disappointment, shame, or anger.
She Is Projecting Unresolved Issues From Her Own Past.
Some parents may have very low self-esteem and feel attacked by anything they do that is even remotely successful. They may feel like they don’t deserve to be as successful as you, and they may have a lot of shame and guilt about their own past. They may have been abused as children and feel guilty, ashamed, and unworthy. As a result, they may see you as a reflection of themselves. Whatever you do reflects on them, so they may feel the need to prove that you are unworthy. They may shame you and tell you that you’re not as good as you think you are because they feel that way about themselves.
She Has A Personality Disorder And Blames You For Everything.
Parents who have a personality disorder like narcissism or borderline personality disorder will try to control and manipulate their children in order to maintain control over the relationship. The child’s needs may not be important to them, and they may try to control everything their child does. A narcissist or borderline parent may blame their child for everything because it’s an easy way to control them. They don’t want their child to think they are capable of making good choices on their own because that might lead them to break away from the relationship.
She Wants To Control You And Believes Controlling Blame Will Do That.
An abusive parent may believe that they have to control every aspect of their child’s life in order to control the relationship. They may see you as a threat because you are naturally independent and you have your own ideas about what you want to do with your life. An abusive parent may use shame to control you and keep you from growing up to be your best self. They may blame you for everything because controlling blame is an easy way to control your actions. If you feel guilty, you’re less likely to act on your own behalf.
How To Deal With Your Mom Blaming You For Everything
Communicate Your Expectations Clearly.
It’s important to set clear boundaries with your mom. It will help both of you. First, you can set clear expectations on how often you want to see each other. Let her know you’d like to see her regularly, but that you also need space to do your own thing. If you’ve been living with her for some time, it’s a good idea to have a conversation about what you can do to contribute to household expenses. If you live at home, you might feel resentful about having to chip in for rent and utilities, even if you’re working. If your mom is the one bringing up money issues, you have to have a conversation about it. It might be uncomfortable, but you can’t avoid the conversation forever.
Don’t Enable Her Behaviour.
You might feel like you have to “rescue” her because she’s your mom, but don’t enable her to continue making poor decisions. If she’s always borrowing money or asking you to drive her places when she could easily take the bus, let her know you can’t continue giving her a “free ride.” It’s important to set healthy boundaries with your mom. It will help both of you in the long run.
Set Boundaries And Enforce Them.
It’s important to set healthy boundaries, and then enforce them. If your mom is always contacting you and texting you when you want to be left alone, let her know in a polite way that you need some “me time” and that you’d prefer she not contact you so much. If she continues to ignore your boundaries, block her from contacting you. You don’t have to feel guilty about protecting your own time.
If she always calls you when she has car trouble, let her know you’re prepared to help her out once, but that you don’t want to be in the “car repair and debt repayment business.” Be firm in your boundaries. If she ignores your boundaries, block her. You don’t have to feel guilty about protecting your own time.
Have A No- Shame Zone.
One thing that will help you remain sane when dealing with a difficult mom is to create a no shame zone in your life. This means there are things you don’t have to explain to your mother. Let her know you’re happy she’s in your life, but that you don’t want to talk about your dating life. You don’t have to “apologize” for living your life the way you want to. You don’t have to hide things from her because you feel ashamed, but you also don’t have to explain everything to her. This will help you keep your own self-esteem intact during this challenging relationship.
Don’t Let Her Guilt You.
Your mom might guilt you into doing things for her. This could be things like taking care of her pets or driving her to appointments. Let her know you’re happy to help her out, but that you also have your own things to do. If she continues to guilt you into doing things for her, put a time limit on it. Let her know you’re only willing to help her out for a month, or until you get a certain project off your plate.
Don’t React When She’s Being Manipulative And Shitty.
It’s important to keep your cool when she’s being manipulative or when she’s being shitty. Let’s say she guilt trips you into doing something for her, and you let her know you’re not happy about it. She tries to make you feel bad for “rejecting her.” It’s important not to get sucked into her manipulative emotional games. Let her know that you’re happy to help her out, but that you don’t like being guilt-tripped into doing things you don’t want to do. Be firm in your boundaries. Let her know that she can’t manipulate you into doing whatever she wants you to do.
Keep Your Own Self-Esteem Intact.
It’s important to keep your own self-esteem intact during this challenging relationship. It’s important to remind yourself that you’re a good person and that your mom doesn’t reflect your value as a person. Let her know that you love her, but that you don’t like being manipulated or guilted into doing things for her. It’s important to stay true to yourself, and not let her bring you down. It’s important to keep your own self-esteem intact. If you’re always feeling guilty for saying “no” to her, or if you’re always feeling bad for not doing enough, it will eat away at your own self-esteem. Let her know you love her, but that you also love and respect yourself
As you can see, there are many reasons why your mom always blames you. No matter what the cause of your parent’s frustration is, it can be hard to deal with constant criticism. You deserve to be treated with respect and dignity, no matter what you are going through. If you’re feeling frustrated with your mom, try talking to her and setting some ground rules.